The Art of Sabotage

Did you watch the Harry and Meghan Netflix docuseries? Has it profoundly impacted your understanding of who they are and what they represent?

I loved the documentary. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex did a brilliant job conveying their love, hurt, and growth. I was so happy watching their early love and wedding (again). Watching the series, I felt so many things. Happiness for their passion and the Duchess's early acceptance by the royal family. Sadness (and mortification) at the media's headlines about the Duchess, including one where they called her the "c" word and how much they and her father hurt her with the private letter she wrote.

Knowing some of the monarchy's history, I understand where the "institution" became outspoken against the Duchess of Sussex. After all, Edward VIII abdicated the throne to marry twice-divorced American Wallis Simpson. Likewise, Queen Elizabeth told Princess Margaret she had to give up her status and titles if she married still-married-soon-to-be-divorced Peter Townsend. In both instances, the Church of England and the royal family frowned on divorce. Obviously, it's not that different today.

So now, here comes Meghan Markle, a divorced actress of mixed race. Harry falls head-over-heels in love with her. Initially, the institution seemed to accept Ms. Markle and Harry's determination to marry her. I've never seen Harry so happy. It radiates from him. It shouldn't matter that Meghan is of mixed race, but in the British press and the royal family, it does.

The Duchess of Sussex experienced the same thing as Princess Diana, the absolute intrusion of the press into every phase of her life. As we know, in the end, the paparazzi contributed to the Princess's death. Diana died incredibly young when she had so much more to give her children, her charitable work, and the world.

How can we think of anything other than her death's profound effect on her children? Harry, being only 12, had no defenses against the event. Well, neither did William, for that matter. Those two boys walking behind Princess Diana's casket looked incredibly sad. Some say the family was wrong in allowing that to occur. I agree because they just lost their mum and cannot privately grieve. They were children.

Why do people, and the British press, find the need to attack and sabotage individuals such as Princess Diana and Meghan Markle? Recent articles about the actress Kate Winslet talk about how the media bullied her for being fat when she starred in the movie "Titanic." She was not overweight. It seems the press, British and otherwise, can't be complimentary towards people.

All of this begs the question of why people must work hard to destroy another human being. I've seen parents sabotage their children, and managers set up employees by giving them bad reviews and then firing them. I've seen (and experienced) one co-worker ripping another to shreds, destroying their reputation. Unfortunately, backstabbing is often a routine and accepted practice in the corporate world.

When a person is degraded enough by others, it shatters their trust in people and institutions. Prince Harry experienced this first with his mother and then with his wife. He believes the royal institution is not there to protect family members but their institutional image.

Regaining trust is a slow, laborious process that all parties must work toward to save their relationship. If regaining trust isn't possible or feasible, the healthy thing is to leave these dysfunctional relationships and do whatever we can to heal, become centered on who we are and our values, and work towards those goals.

Hate and sabotage prevent us from achieving all we can be in this world. The repetitive hurt can define who we are if beaten down enough times. The hateful actions of others can set individuals up to become their worst enemy, and they end up sabotaging themselves. It can cause us to stay in dysfunctional relationships for no other reason than it's familiar and, to some extent, safe.

I hope the world learns the lesson that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are trying to teach. That lesson is that we must take care of ourselves, leave dysfunctional systems, either family or institutions, and work toward becoming the best we can be in this world. And this couple is doing just that.